When what has been, becomes past
When what was awaited, arrives
When the heart is set free to linger and love and hold on
When the waiting and the work bear Hope's seedlings
When Future has leeway to grow wildly and without restraint
And when Rest dwells and decants and generously satisfies
Then, you're home
When we left our last home my heart broke in a way that no one could have prepared me for. I've always been the type to get attached to houses. But still, the heartbreak of packing up and staying packed up, of paying to live in some one else's property temporarily, it kept my heart in a state of unrest I wasn't even aware of. Waiting and pacing-- I felt like my heart was pacing, pacing, pacing and it wasn't until we closed, moved in, set up the living room and made the kitchen functional until I realized: I've been pacing for a year and a half and I'm stinking exhausted.
One day while Austin was home for lunch I laid down on the couch for a little power nap. This is pretty normal behavior for most people, but even as a little girl I have always hated napping. I honestly don't think I've napped (sans sick days and migraines) since being pregnant with our middle child. I just can't rest enough to stop caring about everything else I could be doing instead and I really hate the lethargic feeling after waking up from a nap. So when I laid down for "a quick 20 minute nap," Austin was worried and asked if I was okay.
A year and a half of transition and change had finally fallen on me like a load of bricks. The thing about change is that you can't rush the transitions. After I woke up from my nap I quickly realized that there is still much transitioning to do. I'm gradually learning that this season is for accepting grace and chilling out on my control issues. The transitions are still transitioning, the roots are are still reaching further into the earth. And that can't be rushed.
Now we get to put the home back into a house.
If we're wrecked by anything it's by the overwhelming grace that every day in this home reminds us of. I laid in bed one night thinking of all our mistakes and missteps and trying to make them add up to the grace we received. That's the beauty of it though, it never will. God's grace stands on it's own, apart from all we've done both good and bad. I know it sounds so basic, but it undid me. It makes no sense, why He'd be so good. So very very good. Not just now in this house we love, but always we see the thread of His goodness. There in the heartbreak and the hurt, the goodness was the same as today. His goodness isn't something he does, it's part of who He is and it will never stop, never fade, never wane, not in this lovely home and not in that first awkward rental house.
Want to see a home tour? I need your motivation! Leave a comment or give us hearts on this post!