I can’t deny that with a deep sense of satisfaction and some relief, there also lingers a guttural melancholy. There’s a particular sense of sadness when a goodbye is permanent which throbs in my stomach when I sit still. An overarching sense that says, “This is right. It’s time to move forward.” reverberates through my bones, and yet….Read More
I wish someone had told me that not only is it impossible to be the “everything” woman, but it’s boring. The best thing, the very best thing about growing into new seasons is that YOU get to experience it. You get to see what YOU are like as a career woman, what YOU are like as wife, what YOU are like as a mom.
One of the most giant realizations I’ve had and embraced about myself lately is that I’m a salty mom. That’s who I am.Read More
All the special magic of my writing morning has been sucked dry and replaced with the realization that every white girl in here has the same pair of beige booties that I do and I’m hungry and tired and running out of minutes every minute.Read More
You are here. Right now.
If I’m being really truly honest, here isn't a place I'm enjoying…and I know it’s kind of icky to read a mom say that…it’s icky to be the mom who feels it. Oh wouldn’t I love to be floating on cloud of motherly contentment with this season! But this season of motherhood is just hard and so tiring. Wouldn’t it be delightful if enchantment for every single season of life just naturally swelled in us and flowed out of us? Instead, I’ve been fighting, sometimes spitting mad, against this season and I’m exhausted…so I’m done. I’m done fighting it. I’m here. Here is where I am right now, today.
Accepting this basic condition of my reality means admitting an ugly truth to myself and even more so to the Giver of Life. Facing the nasty brass tacks of my sinfulness, yet again, I found mercy and grace on the other side. And that brings me here, to all of you, because I have this little inkling that maybe…just maybe I’m not the only one digging my heels in and demanding to be somewhere else past or future but this present place just isn’t my cup of tea.Read More
When You Need To Remember LossRead More
I catch myself in these terribly cliche moments of momstering on the drive to church and I hate it. So this year, with the onset of varying school drop off schedules, pick up lines for dayzzz, bible study mornings, MOPS, and my part time job, I couldn't continue in my frantic ways. Something had to change, so I've taken up a new spiritual practice.Read More
The week leading up to my 30th birthday was turbulent. I tried to process as I went through the week, but my process ended up being much more of a stagger through potholes of fear and over molehills of hope than the gradual and steady churning and muling I’d been wishing for.Read More
They weren't perfect and they grieved through various emotions, but they let us grieve with them and up close, so close that I also felt their confidence in God's goodness in a way I had never experienced before.Read More
I finally understand why every mom is being all sappy and sentimental and squeezing her kids extra tight this time of year, whether they are graduating preschool (which I mean, I still don’t believe that’s a real thing, wouldn’t promoting out of preschool be better verbiage?) or graduating from high school. There’s this desire to “Stop This Train,” and I honestly did not see all these emotions coming, but man are they are coming in strong.Read More
But even just the idea of hustling harder makes me exhausted. And this is exactly the place my husband found me in as we talked about that one little comment about my life when I just sort of lost it. Because I was already struggling to “mom” with joy and peace, it was as if this person said to me “The world took a vote and we all think that all that hard work you do--it’s really just kind of a joke. It’s not real work, it’s not hard, and we’d like you to just stay in your corner of the world, cause also you and your kids are loud and obnoxious.”
It was the last straw.Read More