It's a funky time for women's Christian culture isn't it? It seems like everyone is building a platform and social media followers and blogs, podcasts, ebooks, books, handmade things, and hustling galore. Everyone has something to say...it makes me wonder how many of us can possibly be left to listen anyway. This phenomenon is filling our feeds and our hearts with the idea of the "You can do it all" lifestyle. It's tricky, because you don't necessarily have this conscience thought of "I wish I had her life," it's less than that but more powerful. You just slowly start looking around at your house, your family vacations, your wardrobe, your job, your dreams, your gifting--and slowly you start to believe that it's not enough and not as good as what "they" have.
Well I'm done.
I just can't with this craziness anymore. I've definitely believed less of my life because of what I see on social media and other platforms. And I've also found myself on the other side. I've looked down at my hands to find them striving to build a platform to elevate myself. I've thought about how it's too hard to wait for God to elevate my gifting and place them wherever they could be best used and instead I've wanted what I deem as "more."
And here's where that leaves me, as someone who unfortunately is a part of the dreaded blogosphere, I both love and hate that I have a blog. But without question I love to write, and I need to write. This is my creative catharsis. And from time to time I think it encourages those who find me here. Don't get me wrong, I think blogs are useful and I read them too. I just have to divorce MY blog from the "hustle" movement that is so common. It's not for me, and it's not the purpose I set out to fulfill.
No matter how I look at my blog and my writing and my life I don't see a way for me to busily build a platform and hustle AND to be broken and humble and working through all the everything in the way that I need to. Please notice that I'm saying this is something that I see in myself...I don't ever want point the finger at anyone who does things differently than what I feel personally convicted about. But I have to protect my space and it's purpose.
See I've come to a crossroads in my life, where I need to sit in my brokenness and weakness. I need to really accept my humble standing in order to sit in awe of the grace of Christ that strengthens me. And I can't exalt myself and be broken at the same time. I mean I could be the kind of broken that's "I'm a hot mess, but I can be cute about it and be humorously snarky" (and as God is my witness I won't ever give up that part of my personality). But right now I really need to just sit and write about what's hard and broken--the kind of broken that has me curled up in my bed calling out to Christ in my weakness. I need to sit with you all and say...don't read this blog because I have great advice, or poetic reflections on the beauty of life or because I have life hacks to spare. Read this blog and sit with me because I'm broken and weak just like you and I'm healed and freed through Christ alone. And I hope we can point each other to the cross by sitting here and being where we really are, how we really are with no filters and special lighting or beautifully staged scenes.
My favorite quote about writing and a mission of this blog comes from Ernest Hemingway.
"Write hard and clear about what hurts"
So that's what's going to happen here, with one caveat: to write hard and clear about what heals too. I'll be writing more about all the things, and just so you all know--we're gonna be ok. Don't worry about me. But join me and let's fight the good fight, let's rejoice together and mourn together and we must must must set our hearts and our eyes above it all on Jesus.