So...I don't know if you guys have picked up on this about me yet and about this blog, but I tend to be an open book about anything....that happened yesterday. Anything that I've come through...open season on it all! But today...today is harder. Sharing what is current....what still hurts, what's still new, even when it isn't something hard...but mainly when it is. When things are complicated and frankly I just don't want any random advice. Usually this is only the case on the blog but there was a week before we moved in the fall where I was so utterly disappointed and frustrated with something that I really wanted that fell through at the last minute...and I just kind of disappeared from the blog, from online, from real life, from my friends. I'm sad when I remember a sweet text from a best friend "Hey! I miss you! Are you ok? I kinda feel like you're mad at me...and I feel really junior high saying that;)" Being vulnerable is hard. Being present and feeling all the feelings and then to invite someone outside your family into that...its enough to make my palms sweat. But I'm so glad that my friend texted that day....and now I kinda feel like if my little bloggy could talk...she would do the same. "Hey where are you? You feel distant. What's wrong?"
I've been so afraid to share what's current because no one can "fix" anything for me or give me a solution. And honestly--it's so fun writing from the triumphant high ground after a long sought victory, but writing from the trenches is harder and makes it even trickier to be understood. Tone is everything in writing, and my biggest fear is that any of you will think I'm in this dark awful place in my life...when I'm not. God has given me this precious gift of faith. He has grown my faith so crazy much I feel like there must have been some type of radio active spider involved. We have so much joy in the little moments, I promise. But the only way for me to get that message across is to share it and pray and hope that you hear me.
I've written what now feels like dozens of posts about God's victory and provision and deliverance in my life. I remember a few years ago when God shared with me through scripture that I can't be afraid to share the GOODNESS of what God is doing. I felt so deeply compelled that I wanted my readers...I wanted all of you to be encouraged and to stand with me from all our different places, seasons, stages of life and say "Behold, He is making ALL things new!" And now, as we walk through a tough season--tilling up the land and sewing new seeds and working hard for every inch of earth to make room for more roots (notice I didn't say new roots...cause I love how our roots spread all the way from Iowa to Texas)...now I feel like I can see present-me begging and longing for past-me to speak those victory stories. Needing that life, that tangible evidence. It's weird to be on the other side of your own coin. To be the encouraged one and to be the one thirsty for encouragement.
One of the bajillion things I'm learning is the honest to goodness, soul shattering value of encouragement. Simple encouragement. Point me to Jesus. That's it. Remind me how good he is. Remind me how intricately he works. Tell me your stories. Let's breathe life. Let's inhale. Rejoice, and let me join you. Let me glean just a little hope and laughter from your table, let me nibble a little morsel of the promises He has kept while I wait for my own story to unfold.
And the joy of my own is this: the work He is doing in my heart is far more difficult and brow-beating than the work we face in our daily routines. But he is doing this thing. He is making all things new!
And He who sits on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." And He said, "Write, for these words are faithful and true." Revelation 21:5
I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living!
Wait for the LORD;
be strong, and let your heart take courage;
wait for the LORD! Psalm 27:13 & 14