Two days ago I found myself drowning in the waters of a bad day. I mean...such a bad day. It was a constant spiral down as my four year old had meltdown after meltdown for seemingly no reason at all. That followed by this *two thumbs pointing at me* stellar mom following suit by having her own meltdowns to battle said four year old's meltdowns. By the time my poor poor husband came home it was "Snappy this and snappy that. You really should have run for it when you had the chance after work. Good luck smiling in this house." K, that's not an exact quote, but it was my basic premise for the night.
One day ago I had a day. Just a day. Things were done, things were left undone, errands were run, school drop off and pick up was made, food was eaten...and also thrown on the floor. But then. But then! As I loaded up the dishwasher with the last few random cups right before Austin and I went to bed I had this thought. "I miss them! I wish I could go wake them up and play with them just for a minute!" And then the thought passed and I came to my senses. But nevertheless, the mere existence of that thought told me one very sure and steady fact. We had a good day!
Sometimes--most times-- You never realize just how good that day is until you are all done with it. The bad days are so full of kid tantrum spirals and mommy-tantrum spirals, but the worst of it, the very worst thing is the haunting guilt that will remain with you even as you try to fall asleep that night. "I shouldn't let them watch so much TV, I should have read to them more today, I'm still three loads of laundry behind, I don't make enough Christmas magic for their little memory banks, should I do little counting and alphabet times with the little ones?" So much guilt. It's like you can never shake off the day and just be rid of the thing.
But a good day. A good day blind sides you and it doesn't last nearly long enough. I want to let myself revel in the "I had a good day!" moments...I want them to linger on forever.
More importantly though, I want to let myself have a good day after a really bad morning. I want to leave the bad parts behind and not hold them hostage by my guilt until bedtime. I think here, just this place to write this down is the very spot to put my stake in the ground. Each hour can be it's own good day, starting now....which in theory could that also justify taking a 2pm shower to start my day, yes?
Stay strong mommas.